Dialectiwhat?: Finding Gratitude Where You Least Expect It.
There is something so energizing about gratitude. It’s almost as if, by thinking about something I’m grateful for, my brain thinks I have just won something – like the slot machine bells went off and the coins came pouring out. For that moment, I label myself lucky. I have begun to chase that feeling – the feeling of “winning at life,” as I call it. The more I look for it, the more I realize just how many opportunities there are to find it. The trick? Finding it where you least expect it…
Last week my friend’s father died suddenly. As I walked into greet her at the door of the funeral service, I felt the loss of my own father wash over me. The stitches from my wound popped off and the strain in my chest, the tightness in my throat, and the unwanted tears came rushing back. This is not a moment where I would expect to feel grateful. In fact, this is an experience that has, at times, made me feel quite UN-lucky. My father did not walk me down the isle at my wedding. He has never met my children. It has been easy for thoughts about unfairness and why-me-ness to creep in. But last week, when I hugged my friend at the door of her father’s funeral, I was grateful. Grateful that I knew what she was experiencing. Grateful that, like her, I had uncomplicated grief because my father was everything I wanted him to be. Grateful that I am someone who can tolerate that depth of emotion, cope effectively, and not be derailed by it. In fact, it was almost as if that depth of emotion drew me to the beauty, to the gift of that moment.
This morning I pulled into my indoor cycle studio and noticed the lot was full. The place looked like a Land Rover dealership that had acquired a few Teslas on trade-in. So, I parked my middle-of-the-road mom car on the street and walked to the studio. When I got there, some ladies were talking about the recent 4th of July holiday and how exhausting it was to entertain so many people. A woman mentioned having so many unused rooms in her house, which felt like wasted space when trying to entertain 100 people in her kitchen and pool area. And I started to go there – to that dark and grimy place in my head that is so familiar. Fortunately, after a few why-can’t – I’s and urges to look on Redfin, I stopped and recognized the opportunity. It wasn’t just an opportunity to be grateful for the house, the car, the family, etc. That’s the easy part. It was a chance to appreciate the meaning things have when I have to work for them. To see that special events in my life are, in part, given context by their rarity. I realized that I don’t want wasted space in my home. I don’t want to lose any more perspective than I have already lost by my own affluence – or my whiteness, my Orange-County-ness, or my able-bodiness. I can cherish this moment and be thankful that I overheard that conversation on the patio.
In the “big” and “small” things, find the gratitude. And hang on tight…
-Dr. Julie Orris
